“We have no grounds to critique or question this plan…”
“He knows where He is taking you and He knows how to get you there”
Right now, I’m at a low point emotionally and spiritually. My emotional breakdown tonight has brought me to realize the place I am in with my relationship to God. All week I have prayed that whatever happens this weekend with American Idol will be in His hands and whatever the outcome was, I would not be upset and I would completely trust His plan. Well, it seems God caught me in a lie and He saw it coming. I just never realized that I would not even make it to the Gwinnett Arena at all for registration or the audition process.
I’ve always thought that I wouldn’t let anything get to my head if my God-given talents brought me to a successful place in life. But some way or another, my dream shared with my stepmom since middle school is not the path I am meant to take. Even if I took two wrong turns in the road, I don’t think that I would end up auditioning for American Idol in the slightest.
So after the longest three hours of my life, I’m sitting in bed holding back the tears all because I told God I would be understanding with His decision making. And to think that God knows I will turn on Him in this way in the future, yet He is still comforting me at this time keeps me in awe and makes me hurt because that is my scenario exactly at this time.
Time and time again, I’ve began to realize the true friends I have in my life and why I have them there. This year has been a year of reevaluating the friendships I have had, long or short lived. I pray God can teach me the way to handle crumbling friendships in a Christian manner. My mom told me I got it honest tonight…just like her, I’m an all or nothing type of person. My bestest best friend of my senior year has sent me 9 text messages in the past month and a half that have all remained with no reply. God tells me to guard my heart. But what I’m doing is guarding my heart and my pride all together. My mom also told me that “God removes certain people from our life for a reason, so stop chasing them”. All these theories, scriptures, quotes, and everything. I’m so confused about the way to handle such situations and past friendships. I have one week left at home until I move back to Statesboro. It’s high time I roll with the punches, dry up my tears, and enjoy the time and people I have left around me while it lasts. It’s time to enjoy what God has so graciously given me, not what (in my sinful mind) He has taken or hidden from me. God have mercy on me and the thoughts and words I have expressed and entertained tonight. We were all made under one roof.
“May the sinless man throw the first stone…”
Oh my goodness what a long day it was yesterday! I was kicking from 7:45am until after 1am! Woke up to go for a run, ran some errands, had to unexpectedly get my car AC fixed for about $130, finished some crafting for my little, and got to eat dinner with my big and her family! Such a busy day! I also got one of my dearest and musically talented friends to listen to some audition song options for American Idol this weekend! I’ve gotten it narrowed down and I have an idea. I may just be that white girl pulling out some Alicia Keys for the producers..could be amazing but could be horribly awful. Can’t wait to start the process on Friday!
So I’m realizing that my days are numbered at home before its time I move on to Statesboro again. Must found out my big is coming to Athens tomorrow night, we are celebrating my niece’s birthday Thursday night, I register for American Idol on Friday as well as attend Cooper’a 5th birthday party, audition on Saturday, and my new brother in law preaches on Sunday. After all of that, I have less than a week to figure out what I am taking to school and actually packing it up. Although I’m almost in over my head with the packed days ahead, I’m glad my last few moments at home are fun and filled with different events to send me off. These next two weeks, I’ll be soaking up every moment’s memory as much as I can before it’s time to head off to school. As much as I complain about Athens, once I’m 3 hours away, I’ll be missing it like crazy. Athens, I love you.
So the plans have been set! Now once I get someone to cover my shift at work on Saturday, I’ll be registering and auditioning this weekend with Austin alongside me! I’m closer to deciding on songs to sing, I just need other opinions, because of course my mother thinks every song I sing is flawless…can’t wait for this fun experience, hoping I don’t lose my voice before then!
“You’ll miss the best things if you keep your eyes shut.”
As frustrated as I became this past week with 10 children at the beach, when I sat down and looked back at the week, I realized that I shouldn’t worry so much about behavior, but encourage the future each kid has ahead of them. Little moments of childhood will be the memories we will cherish and keep forever, wishing we had those days back. Maggie, Garrett, and Jacob mean the world to me and sometimes I forget how special it is to be a part in the way they are being raised. Keep your eyes open to the special moments that come and go so often
So today has been one hell of a day. After a long week as the nanny in a beach house full of 18 people, I woke up bright and early, eager to spend my last Sunday at Athens Church before I move back to Statesboro! What I knew would be a long day, became even longer as the dues and payments continue to add up on the new house I will be moving into while preparing for recruitment. Finally I headed off to work with tear filled eyes to face the long slow Sunday ahead. After some venting back and forth with a co-worker, here I am feeling better trying to pick out the song I might be singing at American Idol auditions in Atlanta this Saturday! Once I find my traveling buddy and a work replacement, I’ll be on my way in hopes of getting an audition! Hoping this will be a great way to spend my weekend before heading back to school for a while, stress-free and spontaneous.