“We have no grounds to critique or question this plan…”
“He knows where He is taking you and He knows how to get you there”
Right now, I’m at a low point emotionally and spiritually. My emotional breakdown tonight has brought me to realize the place I am in with my relationship to God. All week I have prayed that whatever happens this weekend with American Idol will be in His hands and whatever the outcome was, I would not be upset and I would completely trust His plan. Well, it seems God caught me in a lie and He saw it coming. I just never realized that I would not even make it to the Gwinnett Arena at all for registration or the audition process.
I’ve always thought that I wouldn’t let anything get to my head if my God-given talents brought me to a successful place in life. But some way or another, my dream shared with my stepmom since middle school is not the path I am meant to take. Even if I took two wrong turns in the road, I don’t think that I would end up auditioning for American Idol in the slightest.
So after the longest three hours of my life, I’m sitting in bed holding back the tears all because I told God I would be understanding with His decision making. And to think that God knows I will turn on Him in this way in the future, yet He is still comforting me at this time keeps me in awe and makes me hurt because that is my scenario exactly at this time.
Time and time again, I’ve began to realize the true friends I have in my life and why I have them there. This year has been a year of reevaluating the friendships I have had, long or short lived. I pray God can teach me the way to handle crumbling friendships in a Christian manner. My mom told me I got it honest tonight…just like her, I’m an all or nothing type of person. My bestest best friend of my senior year has sent me 9 text messages in the past month and a half that have all remained with no reply. God tells me to guard my heart. But what I’m doing is guarding my heart and my pride all together. My mom also told me that “God removes certain people from our life for a reason, so stop chasing them”. All these theories, scriptures, quotes, and everything. I’m so confused about the way to handle such situations and past friendships. I have one week left at home until I move back to Statesboro. It’s high time I roll with the punches, dry up my tears, and enjoy the time and people I have left around me while it lasts. It’s time to enjoy what God has so graciously given me, not what (in my sinful mind) He has taken or hidden from me. God have mercy on me and the thoughts and words I have expressed and entertained tonight. We were all made under one roof.
“May the sinless man throw the first stone…”