I have been searching for the perfect bible verse to paint on a canvas and hang in my new room…I think I have found that verse that covers a lot:
“God is within her, she will not fall” -Psalm 46:5
I will hang this when I move back to school. Basically, this verse will serve to remind me that through every trial, every mistake, every task at hand will turn out alright because and if I keep a close relationship with God, who strengthens me to do all in His will. I pray that I can enjoy these last days that I have at home and can continue the joy and happiness that I have found in taking in God’s word and love day by day in Statesboro. I know things will be different, but I pray that my eyes stay fixed on the important things, priorities, and relationships.
This summer I have truly found three things I am most passionate about: Retail (the fashion part of it), special education, and singing. Although I did not make it to pursue what I consider a dream of mine through American Idol, I have reconnected with the voice God has so graciously given me. Although one door may have been shut in the meantime, my desire to sing continues and strengthens, in hopes of beginning to sing at my home church in Statesboro.
In addition to this, I have come to realize I long for a permanent and growing relationship with one or multiple special needs students. I miss hanging out with Michael Pardue and I will miss JC Edwards after hanging out with him this summer. I am eager and ready to see what my future will hold in this area of my life. Through God’s will, I wait with baited breath to encounter the plans He has made for my future, in whatever category of my life it may lie.
And when it comes to the retail part, really I just love fashion. I love 30% off the clothes I buy. And I love most of my coworkers, and it will be bittersweet leaving my Athens store and heading back to the Statesboro store. That being said, if all the above fails (in my mind) or succeeds with what God has planned, I can always lean back on my Entourage Clothing & Gifts. It’s my ride or die and as much shopping as I’ve been doing lately, I could use the extra 30% off to keep me going.
After a much needed vacation with 18 people in a beach house as the nanny, I got some “adult time” that I have needed since I have moved back home. During this time, I became much closer with the family I nanny for and their couple friends who live in the neighborhood and go to school with “my kids”. Since this trip, with the time spent at the beach and the time spent together afterward, I have truly realized how blessed I am to be part of such a great community and group of loving and caring women, men, and children. In everything I do, the Michael family has offered to help me in any way they can along the way. With my decision and half-attempt to try out for American Idol, the family and neighborhood has supported me full fledged throughout the entire process. From “Bailey concerts” in support and for practice, to offering furniture to me as I move into my new house next week, it has become very apparent that this family truly cares for me and has my best interest in mind. I haven’t realized how lucky I am until the summer has began coming to a close and I will soon have to leave the kids. Maggie will be at camp next week, my last week, so I am done keeping her. And after that, I only have 3 or 4 more days with the boys. Time has passed all too quickly this summer and I am thankful that God has placed me in the environment that He has this summer. Although I haven’t been able to see my friends that much this summer, I am still thankful for the lessons and practices He has taught me in regards to true friendship and family. I know these experiences now will only strengthen me in the future in these same areas.
Thank you God for everything you have surrounded me with this summer. I pray that I can only grow closer to You and build a stronger relationship with You as time goes on. Please forgive me of my sins and bring me back to you when I stray. Be my Shepherd and keep me under your close and careful watch.
“Your plans are better than my dream…”
Things such as this help me very much in difficult times. Yesterday was one of those difficult times. I had to learn to let go of the situation and trust that God knows what He is doing when He creates certain obstacles and controls the outcomes of my experiences and daily life.
After this quote helped me, I tweeted the last few words “Your plans are better than dream”. I tweet these things as a simple reminder to me that this has helped me before and in hopes that it may help someone else through a difficult time as they scroll through their timeline.
This note of encouragement was taken out of context from the person who changed my plans of auditioning for American Idol. The context they took it in made them assume that I was referring to themself, when in reality, I was taking the game out of their hands and putting it into God’s hands, where it has been the whole time. So tweeted again…”God’s plans are better than my dream”…didn’t make things much better.
Mood: frustrated with the handling of the situation all around. There goes a friendship that has been in construction since 2006…
I was late for family dinner for my niece’s 7th birthday and no American Idol this weekend BUT…
God kept me safe today driving, speeding, driving the kids around, etc.
I got to spend time with my dad, stepmom, two sisters, brother-in-law, and niece.
God has kept a little girl up and going while fatherless for 7 years.
God has shone bright flashing arrows to which friends I should keep around, and could learn a lot from.
God also showed me the love surrounding me by the family I babysit for.
I finally gave Addison her birthday present…with no card…and wrapped in shipping bubble wrap…and I didn’t even have her gift shipped. Lord help me…in every way possible
“We have no grounds to critique or question this plan…”
“He knows where He is taking you and He knows how to get you there”
Right now, I’m at a low point emotionally and spiritually. My emotional breakdown tonight has brought me to realize the place I am in with my relationship to God. All week I have prayed that whatever happens this weekend with American Idol will be in His hands and whatever the outcome was, I would not be upset and I would completely trust His plan. Well, it seems God caught me in a lie and He saw it coming. I just never realized that I would not even make it to the Gwinnett Arena at all for registration or the audition process.
I’ve always thought that I wouldn’t let anything get to my head if my God-given talents brought me to a successful place in life. But some way or another, my dream shared with my stepmom since middle school is not the path I am meant to take. Even if I took two wrong turns in the road, I don’t think that I would end up auditioning for American Idol in the slightest.
So after the longest three hours of my life, I’m sitting in bed holding back the tears all because I told God I would be understanding with His decision making. And to think that God knows I will turn on Him in this way in the future, yet He is still comforting me at this time keeps me in awe and makes me hurt because that is my scenario exactly at this time.
Time and time again, I’ve began to realize the true friends I have in my life and why I have them there. This year has been a year of reevaluating the friendships I have had, long or short lived. I pray God can teach me the way to handle crumbling friendships in a Christian manner. My mom told me I got it honest tonight…just like her, I’m an all or nothing type of person. My bestest best friend of my senior year has sent me 9 text messages in the past month and a half that have all remained with no reply. God tells me to guard my heart. But what I’m doing is guarding my heart and my pride all together. My mom also told me that “God removes certain people from our life for a reason, so stop chasing them”. All these theories, scriptures, quotes, and everything. I’m so confused about the way to handle such situations and past friendships. I have one week left at home until I move back to Statesboro. It’s high time I roll with the punches, dry up my tears, and enjoy the time and people I have left around me while it lasts. It’s time to enjoy what God has so graciously given me, not what (in my sinful mind) He has taken or hidden from me. God have mercy on me and the thoughts and words I have expressed and entertained tonight. We were all made under one roof.
“May the sinless man throw the first stone…”
Oh my goodness what a long day it was yesterday! I was kicking from 7:45am until after 1am! Woke up to go for a run, ran some errands, had to unexpectedly get my car AC fixed for about $130, finished some crafting for my little, and got to eat dinner with my big and her family! Such a busy day! I also got one of my dearest and musically talented friends to listen to some audition song options for American Idol this weekend! I’ve gotten it narrowed down and I have an idea. I may just be that white girl pulling out some Alicia Keys for the producers..could be amazing but could be horribly awful. Can’t wait to start the process on Friday!